Love is Over(Whelming)

I cannot believe 2020 cancelled love, just like that. I mean how awfully rude! If you are a late 90s kid like me, This was your moment to shine. Academically sound, financially stable and finally at that age when parents don’t totally hate you dating someone. This is the time when I was to gird my loins and get around the town like a gifted photo frame. It is blatantly rude that I have to stay in the home and expect ones and zeroes to make magic for me. Nuh Uh sis! I ain’t letting a 6 incher take the shine away of my well, 70 inches.

Raise your hand, if you cannot fathom why are you single even though you know your efforts are as sincere as Melania’s for PDA. Not to mention that it is very tiring to know this will be just another failed attempt. Why? Because it can be anywhere from them being not interested in you in particular or your entire gender. Worse is when you worked your ass off to make it to the big city. There you were ready to play the “small-town boy in love with city girl trope” but, the world conveniently sends you back to your parents’ nest. As if that was not bad enough, you also have to be the same caged teenager again with work stress and expectation to make grandchildren. You can try to have some good times on chat with a dating app but, they are a whole other dark and disturbing world (Read here!). Sigh! It feels live teenage forever, and not the fun kind even.

Singles are sulking but, maybe, just maybe, long-distance peeps have it worse. I mean to know you have a supply of unlimited love, adoration and bed-rocking sex only for it to be like a million miles away sucks man! Videocalls are not that fulfilling experience and, you cannot go all gooey on then when your goddamn family is sitting right there. I see them doing small things like sending small gifts, seeing movies virtually and playing random online games to feel close to them. They know nothing beats the magic of proximity but, that is a lot to expect from the year whose mantra is “Social Distancing”. But no! 2020 had to put a screeching halt to it. What did these poor souls do for this karma? I mean yeah, single peeps did always wish their fate on all, but idiots forgot to stop the course at breaking couples, not the whole world!

Now, comes the children of God, the lucky ones. Couples, quarantining together and living their best Ersatz-Married life. I mean, what better way to dry run a wedding with, a 9 month trial period. I mean it was one thing when you had to ask babe to maybe leave a toothbrush so that late nights can become late mornings but, now, even their week-old stinky undies are there on your pile of clothes. They are still lucky but come on! If you are telling me, there must not have been moments when these souls just want to kick their partner out; that a blatant lie. Not to mention that there is no couch in the hall, where is the other person supposed to sleep when a fight happens. I, for one, will never sleep in my bed, knowing that the person beside me has the motive and passion for asphyxiating me in my sleep. This trial run now looks more like a stress test. Luckily, they don’t have to do it alone.

Lastly comes my special peeps, who treat their body like a sacred place and let hundreds visit it regularly. How does it feel to know that you actually need a personality too? You know how a drought in a desert and that in a rainforest are two very different things, well my evergreen friends its time that bushes are back (Eww right!). Stay strong! My dear friend and be the Master(bate) of your desires.

Despite all these, the only common thing is, we all still haven’t lost hope at finding love, because lockdown is temporary but, the attraction is forever. So go! find your will, find your way and most importantly, find your bae!