How many of you have actively searched for love? And I don’t mean just putting up single statuses, I mean like literally sitting out of mall going through apps matching up with people for a quick fix hoping it will come to fruition (oops much tea?)
I mean it is irritating and when you talk with intention of love or fuck the whole conversations seems a little pointless because you enjoy the conversation a whole lot less and most of it goes convincing yourself whether you love them or not. The shittier thing is while your mind is trying to make a quick decision, it also is trying to give the poor chap more time to prove, after all, haste makes waste.
Let us start it from where it all began, you wallowing in your own singleness, thinking you should do something about it. Now if you are more traditional on meeting people, clubs ain’t the best meet up places anymore.
Why? The clubbing culture in India is not exactly like the ones in Rom-coms you lap up like ice cream, and most of aren’t drinking age anyway (not that it stops us anyway). You can’t just go to any random Tom, Dick or Harry (or Tina, Diana or Harriet) and go “how you doin’ !”. Again Why? If you are a guy then worst is you coming out as a creep and can turn the night pretty awkward. If you are a girl, then crime statistics are a better indicator of why it is a bad idea.
So what to do? Simple! The same way we have let internet barge in everywhere, let it also come in our love life. Online dating has been available for long but then app dating is new, fast fresh and fun (from what they claim!). I have always had an aversion to apps, like come on! Do I need a 7 inch device to get me some action, am I that lonely. But then, people are getting much more essential things off the pesky phones nowadays so why not a little sting from cupid.
Why did it take me so long to put the damn app? The weird shameful feeling of how you need an app to get some, which honestly shouldn’t be the case because it is not wrong! I mean there are non-straights, for whom life is already hard, and we don’t need to add one more thing to the list for them especially in matters like love.
Now that you’ve done it! Let’s get started on the profile. You know what is the best part of setting up a profile? The Huge identity and existential crisis that follows when you realize that you don’t know what you like or want. I mean do I actually like travelling or
just like going to eat McDonalds in different city. Oh how wish I can call my mom for help.
Now finally set up! And the only thing left is now putting up a picture. Oh wait, do I
smell another crisis, Damn it! I mean come on, they are all me, How TF is picking a
picture so hard. But then you need to find the perfect 5 pictures to show how you are a
cute, fun, intriguing, mysterious, talented, desired, and sexy and totally a catch. I mean that is a lot of pressure to put on a mere photograph but that’s the way world is gonna see me, so let the Kwaii Potato I am stay in hiding a little more. There, all set! Well that wasn’t so bad! Let’s go hunting! Rawrr….
Now again, battle of head vs. heart vs. dick begins, you see this fine AF specimen, you know with the thirst traps and how they are “DTF” but all they are is red flags, so many red flags that might as well declare USSR or China. This is what is called as thinking by the dick (or coochie). We all have had days where we feel we don’t need an elaborate love, all we need is a full course meat diet with a side of cuddles. What we don’t want is the after guilt and the totally uncalled for good morning texts.
I mean fast food is fine and one really should eat out but in the end you are hunting for a balance diet: So again you go down the app, on the mercy of the binary gods and hunt for the next soul mate. It is totally like the bachelor, except neither of us is that rich, pretty or famous and my wardrobe is ugly AF. I mean yeah it is not your love worthy of a blockbuster movie but come on! You can do a little digital drudgery to make your perfect love work right!
And even if it is just a hookup then also why wail over the app. Have fun and move on. Life is too short to determine sources of your happiness, make your own and have fun. So there it is, the Ultimate hunt you participate in to get in the way of getting some!
Specs & the City 